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Stuck for Words
Sending your first Message
If your making the first move, it´s probably best not to bombard potential dates with 100´s of questions - you don´t want to make them feel like they are at a job interview. It´s good to show an interest though, so pick something from their profile that seems important to them and comment on that. This will make the message feel more personal, and not like your using a "line" that could be sent to anyone.
If you´re replying to your first message, remember to make yourselves sound interesting and approachable, enticing the people who have already sent you a message or wink into wanting to get to know you both better.
Talk about yourselves positively and mention anything that makes you stand out from the crowd. Have you trekked across the Himalayas for charity, been to a music festival or taken part in the London Marathon? Maybe you have an interesting story about your job?
If your grammar and spelling aren´t that great, use the computer´s spell check and make sure you both read the reply to check it sounds fun and reflects you well. Boring, badly written messages won´t help you get a date.
Don´t give too much away and definitely nothing too personal. There´s plenty of time for that later.
Date night conversation
So now the four of you are meeting up and of course you´re both excited and nervous. What should you talk about?
Well, to start with, keep it light and upbeat. No long, tedious stories about bad boyfriends or jealous ex-girlfriends. Dates are supposed to be fun, and nobody will want to hear your entire relationship history or the long-winded tale about why you got divorced, on a first date.
Listen as much (if not more) than you talk. Apart from being polite and generally nice, it also means you will be able to ask more questions. Relating your own experiences to your dates will ensure the conversation keeps flowing. Don´t keep interrupting though because that´s just rude.
Try and manoeuvre the conversation onto the things that your dates love...music, favourite films and TV, and the things they enjoy doing. It may be an old clichê but everyone really does love to talk about themselves and it will instantly put the group at ease.
Discussing religion and politics is never a good move on a first date, unless you want to either see your dates´ eyes glazing over at the mention of the current state of the economy - or worse, realise that you have totally opposing views on subjects dear to your heart. Best to leave that until you know you like each other at least.
First dates make everyone nervous, even men worry about whether they have chosen the right outfit or if their hair is right, so try and leave your date feeling good about themselves. Compliment them on their clothes and sound interested in their choice of career but be careful not to overdo it and end up sounding a little bit crackers!
It goes without saying that telling offensive jokes is a really bad move. In fact it´s second only to planning where you´ll get married and how many kids you´ll have!
If you´re stuck, memorise these sure-fire conversation starters.
Did you get here OK? Wasn´t the traffic hideous?
A good icebreaker. Everyone has a bad traffic/public transport horror story.
What´s on the menu? Have you eaten here before?
Talking about food is normally easy - everyone has an opinion and it´s not generally contentious...well, unless you´re trying to extol the virtues of a good steak to a staunch vegan, that is...
What music are you into?
Always a conversation piece - mention your penchant for eighties cheese and it will at least trigger a debate on "the most embarrassing record in my collection" which everyone likes to join in.
Have you seen any good films lately?
Getting your date talking about favourite films is always good - and you can lead the conversation onto favourite films, actors and recommendations. The bonus is that if you both want to see a new film, that´s your second date sorted!
Where are you going/have you been on holiday this year?
Leads to lots of chat about favourite holidays, places you´d like to go - maybe even experiences of the same places.
What type of sport are you into?
As long as you don´t find you support rival football teams, it should be a safe bet. Unless your only sport is channel surfing and the other pair are into extreme sports, in which case you´ll hopefully find yourself with a case of opposites attract!
Have you got any pets?
If one of your dates has a cute cat or pampered pooch, no doubt they will be happy to share pet stories with you...If not, you can swap "my first pet" stories.
The whole point of your first date is to figure out if you´d like to get to know the other person better so just relax, have fun and socialise!
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